Pain as a Solid

 Intense, constant, inescapable pain...

Some people know the feeling of pain as a constant solid.  My husband is disabled and he has been trying to explain that feeling to me for as long as we have been together, but some things are hard to explain, you have to feel and experience them in order to understand.  Now...that I have this pain...I understand...

I never thought that pain could feel as a "solid", a foreign object in my chest that I cannot move or escape from.  Something you live with, wake up,  eat with and it never goes away.  Even with the temporary relief, the relief is temporary and the pain comes right back the minute your mind is free from life's everyday commotion. 

I could dis-attach and let the Universe absorb it, but it appears that I bring it back myself because there is something inside that pain that I constantly feel .... a connection to the pain of my children.  I feel like I am carrying this solid "brick" of the pain in my chest as it is an emotional storage for the pain of my children, and I ask the Universe and God that my kids be spared from this pain and to send it all to me. 

Will I make friends with this pain?  Can I live with it?  Can I accept it?  I sure hope it's not permanent...

There is still hope for me, but you know things are really screwed up when there is nothing you can do and the best advice you get is: "If you believe in God, it's time to pray."

So I pray...  What should I pray for?  There are so many variables with so many nuances.  I would like for people to be good.  That is my ultimate desire, and if hurting me will somehow make them better...maybe that is the way to go.  What if expressing my pain and thoughts can make a difference, what if it can spare others from the experiences I have.  What if I can change the outcome for my children and many other families by simply sharing, by spreading the word. 

Some of us not strangers to pain and we learn to make peace with it.  The older we get the more loss we suffer.  Our bodies are not eternal and people pass: our friends, mothers, fathers, acquaintances, siblings, aunts, uncles...by the time you are in your mid 60's you look around and many of the people you held dear to your heart are gone. 

A young prosecutor asks you in Court in your 60's: "Who can vouch for you?"  You look around and all you see is pictures of obituaries in your mind...  father, mother, brother, friends... only memories are left... Who CAN vouch for you when allegations become facts and the people who cared about you deeply are gone? 

I want to believe that people can be good.  Despite many mistakes we all make I always have faith that the person can change, there is no such thing as "no return" in our attitude as long as we are alive, because we can always choose to be better than we were yesterday, we can choose to change where we are going, we can choose not to hurt others, we can choose to love, we can choose to seek forgiveness and to forgive, we can choose to help, we can choose to live and to let others live.   

I pray that those that hurt others can stop hurting others.  I pray that those that love others, do not lose that love...

Love is fragile.  People that love others have a hard time watching people suffer.  I tell my kids: "It's easy to be bad, it takes courage to be good."  Right now, I hope for a lot of good, I hope that people can find time, energy and compassion to be good, to do good and to promote good.  Love is fragile and it takes us sharing that love to keep love going forever. 

Promote Innocent Tears Act.  Promote DFPS reform.  Help Strengthen Parental Rights. We need to change the course DFPS is taking and stop separating our families.  We need to help families grow stronger together.  Join the Cause.  Promote the Cause.  Sign the Petition Today. 

https://www.change.org/petitiontolife


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Innocent Tears Act

  PROPOSED BI LL TO BE ENTITLED INNOCENT TEARS ACT By Marina Burroughs INTRODUCTION The proposed Bill is in relation to the procedures for taking possession of a child by the Department of Family and Protective Services and is dedicated to my child, K. B. who fell a victim of the flawed system and has suffered the hardest heartbreak of her life and a life-long trauma at such a young age. No child should be a victim of the system that was put in place to protect the children. Parents are not criminals and deserve to be treated as such - the most important people in the child’s life.  Not many parents truly neglect and abuse their children, those that do end up having serious criminal charges.  No child and no parent should have to go through unwarranted separation unless there is serious sufficient physical evidence to suggest that the child is being neglected and/or abused. Hearsay allegations and simply stating “it’s in the best interest of the child” must not be suffici...
Read more

Bill of Rights Optional

In my dealings with DFPS I appear to have no rights.  Not only I have no right to life, liberty, fare prosecution, Grand Jury, being secure in my person, house, property or effects, but I don't even have the right to be silent! Don't even mention second amendment because you will never get your child back! There is nothing voluntary about the relationship where oppressors take your child, take all your freedoms and fight with unlimited funds at their disposal to not give your freedoms and your child back.  So through these dealing with DFPS I cannot help but to question: Is the Bill of Rights optional?  Is it sort of like an old Diploma that you hang on the wall in the office with the degree that is not even relevant to your actual position so we can show off to the whole world: "Look, We the people have the Bill of Rights!"  ....that we can choose to follow or not to follow... I guess that is also a part of the freedoms we have.  What good are those rights if w...
Read more

The Flow

Like with everything else in life there are different perspectives out there about going with the flow.  On one hand if you go with the flow you are going through your life with the least resistance, spending the least amount of energy and having the least amount of stress so it seems; on the other hand some say if you go with the flow you will end up at the bottom of the hill often in the big pile of sludge.  Going with the flow can be considered a sign of trust in higher power or a sign of giving up, weakness and laziness.  Just like everything else in life every situation requires unique evaluation.  If all individuals are unique than all the situations involving all the different unique individuals require unique solutions .  If I'm going with the flow and all of a sudden there is a bunch of trash flowing around me - it's probably time to get out of the stream.  What we do forget that there isn't just one flow and one spring, one river and one current o...
Read more