Keeping Alive

Today is the first time in my baby girl's life that the People kept her away for more than 14 days without seeing her parents.  This is not the first time this has happened to me and this never gets any easier.  

In 2017 my ex accused me of a crime and DFPS used all the power they had not to let me see my two older children and kept them away from me for over 6 months.  Having me have that pain of separation they used my children to try to force me to plead to a crime I did not commit.  It was excruciating pain.  It was senseless and cruel and my older children didn't know if I am dead or alive, didn't hear my voice, didn't know what happened to mom.  

I waited, I trusted God, I prayed, I read the Bible from core to core, as that was the only book I had while waiting in jail for the outcome of that journey.  This was the time I got very close to God...  I got my own understanding of the Bible, I got my own interpretations of the Word, I let the Word speak to me and guide me.  They call it the Living Word - it's because it is living, and every time you read it depending on the suffering that needs healing the Word will guide you towards that healing.  I prayed, I set in silence - silence is very underrated.  Silence is priceless, as you can only hear God if you can stop talking and listen. 

God helped me then, and he is holding me right now surrounded by his warm being, sharing my pain, absorbing that pain into the spirit and granting me strength to survive.  In 2018 they dropped the charges and let me go, but the people have been using those charges against me, implying my ex is the angel and I am an evil doer that got away with whatever their imagination is letting them take them. 

God loves me not because I am perfect, but because I am kind, because I don't go out of my way to harm others, because I protect love and love life and love my children and even though I have been very defying to God, I know that's what is keeping me alive and I love that spirit of strength and the spirit of love that is always there for us when people do us wrong. 

I don't have to see to believe, I don't have to touch anything to know it's there.  I know that I have tremendous pain inside of me and there is only one outlet strong enough to absorb that pain and still give me strength to hang on.  I have to keep alive and keep going so I can fight this injustice from now on forever.

My son told me once: "I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask to be born."  It was like looking into the mirror.  I remember saying the same thing to my mom.  I was a teen, I was angry, I was angry at God, I understood so little.  I don't remember what my mom answered.  But when my son told me that I said: "How do you know what you asked for, maybe you did ask to be here, maybe you wanted the challenge. Life is a gift and a challenge at the same time.  Enjoy the ride to the best of your ability and try to stay kind."

Breaking the bonds of mother-child relationship.  Knowing that your child is alive and you have to keep away, because the judgement has been rendered that you are no longer the mother of your child, you have no rights, your child lost you at sea of hatred and there is only dust in the air and memories that are keeping you alive in each others heads.  It only took 10 tired people a bit over an hour to decide to end my life after the county attorney smothered me with dirt in "family" court with my ex as a star witness on the stand.

I was told by the woman who has my child right now, who is destroying my child's family and undermining everything I am to my baby girl that I will be charged with harassment if I contact her again after I asked her to see my daughter.  DFPS gives other people your children and gives those people power over you without any regard to the best interest of the child.  With only empty words: it's in the best interest of the child.  Just like they read passages of the Bible and have no idea what those words mean, they read that passage out of the law without any regard to what is the best interest of my child. 

How cruel are we?  How can people tell you - you can no longer see your child, hug your child, hear your child or be around her.  How can we use the children to hurt people, how can we not feel the pain of the child away from the parent.  It hurts so much...

I will fight for the rest of my life so no one has to feel this pain again.  This is cruel and unusual punishment not only to the parent, but it's even more cruel and unusual punishment towards the child, because at least I know I am faulty, but my baby girl...she is just starting out in this world, she has just now starting to learn the fakeness and the unfairness of this world.  I never wanted her to experience this at such an early age.  But the older children we have, did.  They were jealous of her cluelessness to the pain of separation.  They have suffered, they all have, I thought they would have brighter hearts by now, but I guess if you are lead by a fake prophet you will end up hurting a lot of innocent people. 

No gain and no personal revenge is worth the pain that is being let out into this beautiful Universe right now, as I am unable to keep it inside, the Universe, the God, all the goodness of this world share the pain of cruelty.  People that preach kindness are prosecuted by this world.  Have always been and possibly will always be.  War is profitable and kindness costs money. 

God sent Jesus into this world to bring us the message of love, the message of understanding of our pain, the message of father's love for its creation.  What possesses us to hurt other beings?  If you are not successful in your relationship it is not anybody's fault it is your inability to open yourself up to the possibility of love that is always right around the corner.  But opening up yourself to the possibility of love is impossible without taking the cost of love - the pain that is inevitable to happen, pain of separation with your loved ones for even short periods of time.  If you love someone - you will eventually feel the pain. So is it better to love and have lost or is it better not to love at all.  Not loving at all makes us heartless, loving and have lost - makes us kind.

Perfection.  What is perfection?  This woman that is holding my child away from her mom and dad right now, wants to adopt my little girl...this woman is perfection?  This woman is lost.  I am glad that my mom was not perfect like these beings that are choosing to be cold and choosing to not see the Lord's tears because they are so concentrated on themselves and their own desires that they forget what is truly important.  I am glad my mother taught me to be kind, not evil.

I know this woman.  People didn't think twice about it when they took my rights, they told them it's kinship adoption, the woman is a 35 year old half sister of my child.  I never saw it coming.  I heard before about people stealing other people's children, but I never thought it would happen to me.  This woman is a child of my husband.  The child who had a wonderful relationship with her father when I met him, the woman that stopped talking to her father after he and I got married and disappeared. 

I would have never allowed my child to be in her possession if I would've known who she has become. I thought she was a good human being.  My fault - I have been deceived and now my child will pay the ultimate price of losing childhood with her parents.  What happened to her between now and 4 years ago? She got married and apparently it has changed her into who she is right now: a child in pain, a child filled with hatred for her father, her little half-sister and her stepmother. 

Jesus went inside the church and got furious with all he saw.  Who knows what he saw, Bible says very little about that incident.  I doubt he got mad at people selling some goods, I am sure that he got mad with the hypocrisy of the church.  Right now 4Kids4Families are in charge of my child, who has decided my child is a good fit for adoption in March this year, and they will do anything to make that happen.  

They don't need to know me, they don't care who I am and they don't care what I say.  My child is a good fit for adoption and they digged out a 30 year old history and implied my husband is a bad father because his kids were rebellious.  They digged out my 2017 misfortune that God helped me survive and made people believe I was violent just so they can confuse the Jury and convince them to take our rights so they can continue on their mission to adopt my child.  They are running a quick sell chop shop for adoption of little innocent beings they get their hands on, dis-attach children from their mothers and fathers and do everything possible to make you look evil and adopt your child.  And it's the Texas law that allows DFPS to take our children easily.  The law that has to be changed, the law that I ask you to fight against. 

Possibly if there wouldn't be so many willing buyers out there, my child would be home right now.  Have you noticed how they are really advertising CASA and adoption and fostering children?  It 's not because we all of a sudden have many horrible parents, it's because fostering has become big business and big business don't care about the best interest of the child, it only cares about the bottom line profit. 

No longer DFPS takes your child with the intent to work services and help parents succeed as parents, it's so they can adopt your child and keep the money machine going.  Services are paid by tax payers, adoption is paid by tax payers, foster families are paid by tax payers.  This is not what God sees his ministry as, this is not what God meant for families to go through. 

God, the Universe, the Spirit are moaning my death by court order.  I am legally dead. 

But the spirit never dies, even if the person is gone, that person lives in their children in this world.  I hope to be alive once again...  It's easy in the time of sorrow to blame God for the present misfortune, but the God wants Love and it's not the God that takes you to Court, it's not the God that makes people lie, we all have free will and it's the confused unaccomplished souls that desire to hurt others seeking the momentary satisfaction of revenge to fill themselves with temporary satisfaction and the feel of accomplishment.  How long will that feeling of "I won!" last?  What happens once it's gone?  You are back into the emptiness of your soul and you have to live with the suffering you cause. 

Fight to keep families strong and together.  Fight for parental rights and to save this world from injustice.  Promote Innocent Tears Act.  There are a lot of Innocent Tears being spilled right now, not just by me and my children who have no idea what is going on and how legal death of their parent can affect their lives, but of all the other parents and children who have been separated by family courts and the "savior" wannabes. 

We have a tendency not to fight for anything until it affects us personally, don't wait until it's you.  Fight that it would never happen to you, your children or your grandchildren to be.  Support DFPS reform and the end of unnecessary separations.