Thirteen And a Half Years To Come

My new personal milestone: thirteen and a half years.  That is how long I have to wait for my youngest daughter to be 18 and have the freedom to come home.  I devote this milestone to her, because for the next 13 and a half years I will be reaching for her with the same passion that she is aching for me throughout these years to come. 

As a polite county attorney highlighted I have nowhere to go and nowhere to be, I have all the time in the world and she insisted that the people take from me what I care for the most: my children.  She insisted that my parental rights have to be terminated, because my children are "afraid" of me and I cannot protect them.

Let's talk about this fear for a minute...

Do I think my children are afraid of me?  I believe my older children are ashamed.  They are afraid of seeing in my eyes the reflection of who they are becoming.  Many of us when faced with the disappointments of our mistakes hide from our creators: our mothers and fathers, nature and God.  I did that multiple times.  As a matter of fact several times in my life I was so disappointed with myself I couldn't bring myself to see or talk to my parents for long periods of time.  Not because I fear some imaginary punishment - I simply felt like I failed them, failed their inspirations for me and my future. 

Time goes on... months, years, and I realize that no matter how hard we try we cannot run away from the bonds of nature to our mothers, fathers, nature and God; and no matter how hard we try we can not hide from ourselves. One person who always knows where you are - is you. 

Humans are lazy.  As children we rather have teachers who give us the answers, than teachers that have us seek for those answers, teachers that will ask us the hard questions.  What are the hard questions?  It's any questions we don't know the answers to.   

My older children are afraid to think.  I am not eager to give them the answers, every one of us has to find those answers for ourselves.  My job is to teach them how to think by asking them questions.  That's why it hurts so much talking to them right now, knowing that their ability to freely think is being severely discouraged. 

But that's what we want, right?  Fearful followers...  Not those who freely want to follow, but those who follow because they are afraid of life. 

Can I protect my children?  

What a question...  They both said: "no".  But anyone wonders "why".  I know why.  Because I cannot protect them from life.  I cannot protect them right now.  I am not allowed to protect them right now,  I can not protect them from the system, from other people, from the people that play the system and I definitely can not protect them from each other or themselves.  

We had many conversations about life and how they need to know the dangers of life and learn from every experience they have, so they can figure out who they are and learn to protect themselves because mom is not always there.  We take our children to school, camps, outings, sleepovers...none of us can foresee what is to come and none of us can have them avoid a tragedy when we are not there to help them.  

None of us can protect anyone from life.  And we are all endangering our children the moment they are conceived.  Life is not a perfect bubble.  It is an experience.  And we can choose to interpret it as a bad one or a good one.  But those of us who have some illusion of control over somebody else's life or even their own life are simply mistaking. 

The prosecutor kept asking me: "Are they all lying?"  Some are lying, some are simply mistaking.  Maybe to her these two words are the same and interchangeable, to me they have two different meanings.  One is an act of a deliberate lie in order to deceive, the other one is a simple misunderstanding or a mistake without any malicious intent.  I am sure someone who went to law school should know the difference, but they also teach them to deceive... 

The "Art of War": "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."  Maybe that's the way to win a war but it sure is not the way to live....  I find deep satisfaction in not having to keep up with any fake relationships. 

One day at a time I will spread the word that for the peace and humanity to succeed we need to learn to cultivate kindness, and that kindness has to be grown from within yourself before it can be projected on others. 

Be kind to each other.  Support each other.  Support parents.  Promote DFPS reform and the change of the course this organization is taking our society.  Promote Innocent Tears Act. 

Call your representatives and ask them to STOP unnecessary separations of parents with their children.







 






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