Manipulation Games

 Too many times now I have encountered attention hungry people playing manipulation games with my and my children's lives.  At first I thought it was just simple hatred but now... I am starting to see the real problem - their broken sense of self. 

Despite the perception created by those that "love" us and trying to "help", my husband and I do not crave to cage anyone within the boundaries of our home, or even within the boundaries of our love.  My kids were always encouraged to love the people they love, to speak their minds and to have their own opinions.  Even if I don't like and disagree with the outcomes of their decisions, the decision of how they want to live their lives is ultimately theirs to make. 

Children start manipulating their parents from an early age.  In older times this practice was unacceptable but now it's encouraged and widely used by kids of all ages.  Yes.  I said it.  You can be 35 and you are still someone's child.  Besides the point that those of us that believe in higher power also believe that we are all children of the higher power; and don't think we are not needy and starved for attention!  It's not like we always selflessly pray for those around, how many personal prayers do we all send out?  I lost count of how needy I am, and I do have to remind myself all the time to be grateful for all I have and to learn from all the experiences I encounter: good or bad. 

From a simple internet search online you can find many manipulation techniques: gas-lighting, ghosting, love-bombing, triangulation, revenge, but my personal favorite and the one I deal with frequently from the children of all ages around me is playing a victim. 

What a bizarre way to get attention!  But it works and it works great.  You tell someone a story of a miserable, sad, tragic, traumatic, violent experience and you put your audience in quite a position: they were not there, they have no idea if you are telling the truth or not and if they don't act with sympathy and genuine concern - they are perceived as insensitive and cruel.  You have no idea how many times I heard the stories of misery during DFPS services: from victims of abuse, counselors who are also victims of abuse, case workers who sometimes are victims of abuse and it seems that it's just one very abusing each other world out there.  If that's the picture they were trying to paint - they have succeeded: it appears that everyone out there is just constantly abusing each other either emotionally, economically, mentally or physically.  Abuse, abuse, abuse - constant circle of abuse.  Your parents abuse you, then you abuse your children, then your children abuse their children and so far... 

So what is the solution to this never ending abuse?  Is it to talk about it?  Which brings me to what is called "victimization", only this time you are not necessarily a victim, you have been convinced by others that you are a victim. 

Some people play a victim to get attention.  Some people are victims of the system convinced by others that they are victims, because the system has to be a good guy saving the victims; and if you refuse to become a victim - you are perpetrator, a predator and a monster; and if you are not - they will make you to be in the eyes of all that are watching.  There isn't much to it: use colorful language, tell horrible stories with graphic details, make those who can't speak for themselves, like children (as they are not allowed to testify on their own behalf) into victims of abuse.  They use words like: abuse, neglect, danger, sexual abuse, threatened, weapons, belligerent, drunk; and evidence like - someone said, someone heard, someone told, someone thinks, it appears, allegedly - all is done, you have been convicted by the voices of those who don't like you and don't care about you or your children. 

What happens to all the real victims with all these artificial victims?  Their voices get lost in the sea of the "Bermuda triangle" of all the want to be victims.  There are only so many times you can hear a story of abuse before losing interest to care, it's like watching a horror movie over and over, eventually you want to switch the channel and watch something else.  Dwelling in too much dark does not make the world darker, you are simply dwelling in your creation of the image of the world.  We all get what we want: you want drama - life will give you drama.  You want love - life will give you love.  You seek out abuse - life will give you abuse.  You seek happiness - you have to be willing to enjoy life with all its ups and downs. 

At some point we were on the right track, we believed in due process.  Lately, all I see is that we are so concentrated on victims and victimization that all else fades in comparison.  Our egos have grown like our bellies.  And since we don't have to search for food anymore very hard, we search for more victims...so we can invest in all "the heroic" helping we are all doing and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done: another victim found and saved from their monstrous parent. 

What will we eat when all the counselors and psychologists will convince our children that working on the land is abuse and they have the right to be happy and do nothing.  What will we do when all of our kids get convinced that they were so mistreated they can't get out of bed in the morning because they are too depressed to make themselves something to eat.  

A manipulation game is a game choice of a narcissistic society.  Society that has lost its way and is no longer respected by its people persists to try to convince those people that those in charge are the saviors helping us, sheep, overcome our burdens of life. 

But society led by greed is not a true Sheppard, the king led by revenge is leading you into war and the soul with no light in it will not see a thing...

...and maybe in that darkness, when you can't see anything with your eyes wide open, you will finally see what is truly important...