Deep Self-Reflection

 It is said that writing is a form of deeper self-reflection.  Hamlet, Act III, Scene I comes to my mind:

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"...

When families are apart the suffering is inevitable.  All suffer: the children, the parents, the families, and even those who made it happen will eventually suffer with guilt and burden they take upon their souls to separate and break biological love bonds created by nature and God.  All choices have consequences, and when you choose to split families apart for living you are making a conscious choice to cause pain in the lives of many.

People are not numbers.  Despite us being treated like numbers for the purposes of keeping track of who we are people have feelings, emotions, experiences and deep-rooted pain.  You may not remember and do not realize it, but we all carry the pain of separation from our mother from the time we were taken out of her womb.  Some of us have a stronger connection than others based on our experiences while in the womb, but we are all deeply connected with our parents. 

That's the way nature created us.  This connection and pain of separation is what makes us protect our children and sacrifice our lives for their lives.  This connection also is the reason we suffer, it is our deep desire to be with our children that causes the pain we feel when we are separated by fate or choice. 

It is the nature of things that for children to grow as individuals they have to explore, venture out or even rebel.  And because we love our children with sweet pain at some point we have to let them go.  In the case of DFPS against a parent the parent is forced to let the child go, breaking the natural order of things this entity forces the parents let go of their child and forces the children let go of their parents, no matter how much it hurts both the parents and the children, no matter if the child wants to go or not. 

I do not know how many truly tragic cases are out there to where the child has to be 100 percent taken, but I was told by one of the counselors that all of the cases she has are just like ours, just normal, regular people some are in their 70's...

What are we doing?!!  Do we really think that we need to take a child from a 70 year old man?  How long does that child even have left with that parent that someone would take it up on themselves to steal their precious time together?  How long have any of us really left with our children?  No one knows when that last day will be.  So why create unnecessary separations?

What are all these mixed messages?  Should I listen to the Bible that teaches to parent and discipline your child, to respect the parents and elders; or should I listen to DFPS agents who say children have the right to everything we have and everything we don't have, children have to have the freedom to run around the neighborhood, surf the internet, have unlimited phone access and stepfathers don't have any parenting rights as to the children who live in their house.  Like being a stepparent is not hard enough already... 

Those who dared to start a new relationship with older children on both sides know: you are walking into someone else's position, you are seen as replacement, a substitute, and once the newborn siblings arrive the rest of the kids feel like they have been replaced.  What is giving them that wrong perception, why can't they just see it as the family growing?  

Not one person can replace another.  We are all unique with our own traits, talents and bonds.  Each child is special to each parent in a different way, each relationship is different, all relationships have ups and downs.  Relationship issues?  When you have money - they tell you to go to family counseling; when you don't - they call DFPS - lower and middle class "savior's" weapon of choice. 

What are we to do with the internal agonizing conflict in our hearts that tells us our children need us, they are going the wrong way, looking at things from the wrong perspective?  Are we to let go and let the "reality discipline" of life give them the lesson of right and wrong?  Many times life puts us in the situation where we have to choose: to go back to the old life or to continue on the new path the life has shown us an opening to.  These choices are never easy.  

What do we do when we stop trusting the people around us?  Do we seek for other people to trust or do we simply close off.  Do we open our hearts to the divine or forsake it all?  But we are the parents.  This is what we do.  We clean up the messes, we pick up the closets, we make beds, we fix problems, we help our kids retreat into the safety of our homes to hide from everything and everyone, even when they want to hide from themselves and we forgive, because that's who we are - the parents. 

What kind of question is this to the parents: "What are you going to do when the children come home?"  What do they think parents are going to do?  Nothing.  Move forward with our lives.  I do not know who made this organization so powerful and why, but I do know that having the children feel like orphans when they have a mother and a father, home and a big family is criminal. 

If you would like to join my efforts in promoting DFPS reform: share the message, join me in writing the blog, share your stories (I can share those stories on your behalf for you).  I know the pain of the parent who has been separated from their child.  I know how you feel.  And if you want to try writing as a deep self-reflection therapy to have an outlet for that pain - write with me.