The Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

"We tried everything to keep our abusers calm and happy.  We agreed with them, ignoring our own needs and feelings.  We got angry or acted as peacemakers.  In spite of all we did we could not control the situation.  The abuse continued and grew worse.  What did we gain from all of our efforts?  Illness? Debts? Physical injury?  Less emotional health?" 

"Nothing I did was good enough" and "A lot of my energy went into hiding the abuse from my friends and family."

Do these statements remind you of anything?

These are the statements from Step One of HEART program: Acknowledging The Need for Help. "We admit that we have been involved in an abusive relationship and that we need the help and positive support of others."  Indeed I do!!! 

 I am tired of hiding from my family and friends because DFPS is treated like an incurable airborne virus.  I am tired of people thinking I or my husband did something horribly wrong because our children were taken.  I am tired of DFPS smothering me and my husband with dirt because they can.  And now that I discovered WHY DFPS feels so in control, now that I discovered that the law lets them prosecute me without evidence for hearsay accusations I ask for your support.  I ask for support from all the parents and all those who have or had parents they loved to demand that our State legislators fix this law!  Reason to believe cannot be the reason to remove the child from parental possession. 

So how does the investigation begin?  

There has to be a "good Samaritan", a human being that is feeling emboldened to pick up the phone and call DFPS to make a complaint.  It could be anybody, but it is good to mention that we are all surrounded by the "mandatory reporters".  People we are taught to trust are the same people that are mandated by the law to report any mention of abuse to authorities.  Those people include: teachers, psychologists, medical personnel, counselors, police officers, peace officers, and other welfare agencies. 

Here you are thinking that you are just talking "blowing off steam" sorta speak, and before you know it your words have been repeated to someone else, they are in notes, journals and in a petition for termination of your parental rights.  These people are nice, polite, encourage you to share your feelings, telling you that this is a safe place, they make you feel good and secure and tell you that everything will be OK. 

One day you will wonder: "What did I do wrong?  Where did it all go so wrong?  Did I forget to give the teacher extra praise?  Did I forget an appointment?  Did I make an inappropriate joke or said something wrong?  Was I misunderstood or am I simply hated?  Is it I, that caused the failed relationship that led me where I am right now?"  Guilt from thinking you caused the problem, doubt in your ability to do anything right, fear and low-self-esteem is what to follow. 

Don't be fooled by the wolves in sheep's clothing...  We are humans, we have a deep desire to trust others.  Desire to be funny, understood, be ourselves, be young, be foolish and have friends. 

My question to all of these reporters is: 

Are you willing to pick up the slack and take care of the child you are so eager to get out of their parents' possession?  Are you going to replace all the love they were getting from their parents, give them a forever home, the home they can come back to even after they grow up?  Are you willing to be the shoulder they can cry on for the rest of their lives?  Are you willing to be there for them when they fail, when they are miserable, when they make a mistake?  Are you better than the person you are complaining about?  Are you a better parent?  Better human being?  Perfect?  You have no faults?  No weaknesses?  No regrets?

If your reply is: "It's not my job."  Then I want you to think about this: your complaint may fire an innocent parent from that parent's job; the child may lose their loving parent for a very long time; and the time spent away from each other will forever be lost, - all because the "reason to believe" is all DFPS needs to remove a child from parental custody. 

 So before you make that call: call the governor and ask them to fix the law, to where only upon solid physical evidence of abuse the child can be removed from their parents. 

What gives us the impression that the government has to solve all of our problems, even the personal inner-relationship disagreements?  The government is busy, it has a lot to do, it needs to govern, improve laws, make fare laws that promote equality and peace; not split families apart and take our children. 

You want to help - help with advice, lead the person towards a solution not punishment, give the person tools necessary to be in control of their own life.  Support positive change!

It is time for DFPS to start caring about the Family As a Unit as the word family is in the name of this organization.  Protect the families.  Support the families!  Stand up for the families that want to be together!

On this note I ask for your support again.  Support DFPS reform, help promote Innocent Tears Act!  

Step One: Acknowledge the need for a change!